Last night our Kara run was frustrating to say the least. It became so bad at one point that even now after I have calmed down I am considering not playing anymore. Part of me feels it just isn't worth the aggravation.
As we began to group for Kara I was whispered by someone I'll call Bill. Bill wanted to know who was coming so we could begin finding the remaining fill-ins. He did suggest that we not bring a particular person we had brought earlier this week because we were attempting Nightbane which really was going to require better gear than this person currently has. I agreed that it would be difficult and that I would approach this person, but that I also had been spending a lot of time announcing on my blog and in guild chat that "we succeed together, we fail together". I feel very strongly that the person should have the choice to step aside. If he didn't want to and the others refused to bring him, then I would have to in good conscience not attend the raid. I did not however tell Bill this last part.
When the person asked me about Kara, I had the unpleasant task of asking him to sit tonight's raid out. I told him he could refuse, but he said he was OK with it. I honestly believe he wasn't. I felt like an ass. Should I have though? I have stated in previous posts that there is the potential for being asked to sit out on a raid due to gear or someone else's need and I realize this is a necessary part of raiding, but I also believe that he helped us get to the point we were at and deserves every opportunity to continue that whether we succeed or not. In the greatest way possible, he accepted to sit out and said it was OK. He didn't complain or throw a fit. He made it was easy as possible for me and I appreciate it. I still feel like an ass.
We finally got our group together including two others from our original raiding party from way back when. We haven't grouped with either of these two since the unfortunate incident and the GM of the other group, who I'll call Jim, stopped their participation. Unfortunately, this guy was here.
I've never had a major problem with Jim, but I can't honestly say he's one that I'd normally want to hang out with either. He's got a mouth on him that just doesn't stop. He has a special relationship with one of the other players in giving that guy a real hard time. It sometimes gets verbal and the raid chat fills with insults and laughter. In the guy's defense, I do believe he honestly is just joking around like he says. He just doesn't know when to stop.
To speed the story along, things got heated after a few frustrating attempts to take down Nightbane. A healer's mortality was the butt of many jokes and one person stepped in to defend this guy. It finally got vocal with yelling and profanities. Both parties egged each other on. One raider had to leave for a prior commitment and another left because of the drama. I finally stepped in and demanded that it all stop or I would leave the raid. The one doing the defending left the raid. As others attempted to find replacements, Jim kept it up. I told him that he too needed to calm down and stop. After he chose to ignore me and keep it up, I left. It all fell apart at that point.
No person in any group, raid, guild, or other circumstance should have the power to completely control a situation by their leaving, refusal to cooperate, etc. Unfortunately, as a healer, I have that power. It is not something I want to have. I do not want to be thought of as trying to throw my weight around. I don't want to be the guy everyone puts up with because if they don't they're screwed. And tonight was not about that. I felt I gave this guy every chance to stop and he wouldn't. I even stated that I would leave if it didn't stop. I didn't choose a side when I said it, stating that everyone was to stop.
The part that cut me to the bone was when after I logged onto an alt I was accused by friends of abandoning friends and that this was the second time. I admitted that the first time I did it, I was going through some issues and that was all me. I was also accused indirectly of being selfish and only going to Kara for myself and not the good of the group.
This second accusation cut to the bone even more than the other because I had not wanted to go to Kara with Jim. I had tried to talk to him earlier in the week about whether he was interested in going and his response was to say the least curt and more than a brush off. I figured after that I was done trying.
Jim only attended last night after another asked him and because his own guild wasn't going, but he wanted those Tier 4 gloves which he won. But I went anyway because otherwise my friends who had gear they wanted or a particular boss to take down for a questline wouldn't be able to. I'm not saying I didn't want the badges, but I'd have rather run heroics than go with Jim. So I'm still trying to figure out where I was being selfish (being an ass with this comment is another matter). Let me know if you see it.
I was told I didn't allow enough time for others to defuse the situation. In my eyes, there was no defusing the situation because Jim just wouldn't stop. I tried to stop it so we could continue. He only continued to make more and more comments. I was told I could have put him on ignore. Why should I have to do that or even be expected to do that? He was disruptive to the good of the raid and I don't need the aggravation.
I've been told in the past by some to put up with assholes to get what I want, whether it's a raid, heroic instance, or quest help. Just use them and ignore what they say. That's all good and said, but why should I? I play to have fun. Running with a bunch of assholes that think they can act however they want, just because they're protected by the anonymity of a virtual avatar, is not something I pay Blizzard to put up with. If others want to do that, more power to them, but I should neither expect nor be expected to do so. I'll spend my time helping friends I know aren't assholes level their toons so they can come with us instead.